October 15th, 2007



I'm so slow to update here.

I usually write these "I've been away" updates from bottom-to-top, usually because the stuff that's easy to write about first is the least personal, and I'd like to have the record in the other order. there's a little dark secret for you.

This weekend was tough for me. For reasons I don't get, I find myself frequently stuck with feeling like I'm not okay to be doing what I want to do, especially when I'm at home. It's not boobirdsfly: I'm doing my best to accept and listen openly to this sense of insecurity and not-belonging. But I was shutting down when I really wanted to listen to myself -- and the shutting down just made the anxiety lurk for longer. Yuck.

Last night, I started reading Radical Acceptance again, and I was really struck by the reminder to stop and say "This, too" to the sensation of fear and not-fitting-in and I'll-do-it-wrong. Today, at any rate, that pause has helped me relax. I hope that I can remember this when I feel crap, like I did for much of this weekend. In happier events, boobirdsfly and I did go to the beach on Saturday, but so much space was taken with my wound-up-ness that I didn't really get to have a lot of fun. boobirdsfly was super in both expressing her frustration and in letting it go.

Trying to "get" it hasn't helped much. So here's my note-to-self: shush, just sit and listen to where you are.

Last night I went to have dinner at eldan and nein09's, along with three other folks (C, S, and B). I didn't quite catch how everybody was connected -- other than we all know the two hosts. boobirdsfly didn't make it -- she had a Unicycle Collective rehearsal -- and it's too bad. Lots of yummy food, including excellent stuffed squash and a pumpkin pie. (yum).

I've finished a new draft of one of the last two papers before I move on to a new research task (the first one that belongs exclusively to my dissertation). The other paper remaining is in Advisor's hands, but today and tomorrow are fully booked up and I probably won't get to that last draft of editing until later this week. But the good news is that after a meeting with my advisor last week, I've got a good idea for the next thing, involving machine-translation and a new idea about a way to handle words that can't be directly aligned between languages.

I've been thinking about listing some of the finer webcomics, because I can. Here's, for a start, some top-quality SF-ish ones:Girl Genius. Dresden Codak. Dicebox. The inimitable Finder. Huh, they're almost all written by women! yay for the changing face of SF and comics.

A little profile-identification:
I am "trochee" on Last.FM (listening now) and Twitter (updated several times today) and del.icio.us (updated frequently) and Flickr (long time no update), if you're there.
I list books on Library Thing (my whole catalog) and BookMooch (the ones I'm happy to unload) as "trochaic".