July 9th, 2006

resolute

(no subject)

boobirdsfly has been at the Forum all weekend (today being the last day), and I have been by myself most of it -- though Friday night I went to have dinner with beckyb and T. on the beach in West Seattle and came back with the water taxi (how odd that I've never done that before -- it's fun!).

Saturday was a busy day all by myself: I did laundry, tried to reach my brother (unsuccessfully) for his birthday, cooked, watched a movie (The Cat Returns -- I was disappointed, overall, since Ghibli usually does better. high marks for the English voicing, though: Anne Hathaway did a very nice job with Haru's voice and Buffy's mom as Haru's mom's voice).

Also I went for a run -- though something went wrong on the run, and it just hurt from the first 100 meters onward. I did the usual run anyway, but I felt like something was blocked -- like the sweat was blocked from coming out or something. When I stopped and walked into the neighborhood library, it suddenly broke loose and I felt like a bag of water that had sprung a leak.

D. came home late and we had a long and intense conversation about some of the things she's uncovering at the Forum. I find myself occasionally anxious that D. will discover she doesn't want to be with me, but I don't put very much weight on that -- that's old bad habits of mine that don't need to be there.

I'm still glad I decided not to attend the Forum this time, though - if we were both trying to do the work that D is doing right now at the same time it would be even more difficult, I think. Also, I worry about my own suggestibility -- part of being a professional student, really -- and I don't really want to be doing this kind of big thing until I feel a little more clear on where my center is.

Today, I woke up with a killer headache. I got up, drank a liter of water, took acetaminophen and went back to sleep for three more hours. it's still hovering there even now.

Possible things on the table today:

  • find a bookshelf for my mass-market paperbacks
  • do a clothing sort and purge
  • read books in the garden
  • go for a walk (not a run, not the way I'm feeling)